Cancer Really Sucks.

Sharon Russell is one of the greatest ladies I know. She has been my loving step mother, a great friend and a wonderful grand mom to my daughter. A huge part of my life for almost 20 years. Every thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, birthday was spent together. She was at my wedding before either of us got sick. She was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months before I was diagnosed with lymphoma. Unfortunately her cancer spread to different locations. While she was fighting breast cancer she came to all my surgeries. Supported me each time I was in the hospital. Was at my heart surgery too despite being weak from all of her chemo. So many times we sat together with my dad, both she and I recovering from our chemos. She is amazing. She rocks her no hair, looks so beautiful, has such a glow. 

She is exhausted from the fight. The family, her friends, the world is going to miss this amazing woman who I am so proud to be able to call her my mom for so many years. 

Saddest day of my life.

So I was questioning myself to share the following.... I made this blog to help people and I'm not helping anyone who might be going thru a similar situation if I don't share everything so here it goes. 

This is a weird one and when this happened to me I googled it. Not much out there on this so I might as well. 

When I was first told I had cancer and chemo was needed, my doctor asked me if I ever wanted to have more children. If so I would need to freeze eggs before chemo because the treatments will send me into early menopause. I didn't want to do that since pulling eggs took time and the cancer was already at stage 4 I didn't want to waste time before starting the treatment. So we went ahead and didn't freeze eggs. Despite not being able to have babies anymore I decided to keep my copper IUD in place since I only had it for about 3 years and it didn't feel great going in so I knew it would hurt coming out and I had enough medical crap going on I didn't need to add to it. So it stayed since the doctor said it was ok to keep it in. 

Well as I like to defy all medical reasoning and as they are writing a thick book on me already I figured why not add to the list of crazy ass shit. 

Weeks late for my period I realize the menopause is finally here. About time, it was right after my last chemo. I was having some physically issues like my boobs were popping out of my bra fast and they were so sore it was time to call the dr and see if they could do something to stop this crap. They said they could give me something but I needed to confirm I was not pregnant. We all laughed at that as I was still on chemo and the iud and the menopause there was no way but we have to mark the chart that one was taken and negative. WELL...

Two positive tests later I went to the obgyn. Pregnant with non identical twins. 

Yeah that happened. Non identical... Somehow I released two good eggs??? With enough chemicals in me to kill.. well cancer.. How in the hell that that happen? Once again the doctors look at me and say "well we have never seen that before". I'm getting sick of hearing those words. Negative percent chance of this occurring and of course it happens to me. Now after cancer and heart surgery and hardly shedding a tear, this made my cry for days. Sadly the babies were conceived in between chemos and I had a CT scan not knowing I was pregnant. Devastating. I lost them. 

Finding out then losing them within days was a struggle and since none of the drs or nurses could believe this happened I tried to find anything or anyone online that had a similar situation. I found nothing. I have never felt more alone and more like a freak of nature. So for that reason I wanted to put this out there just in case someone googles "pregnancy with IUD" or "pregnancy during cancer or chemo treatments". Nothing could have prepared me for this. I would have rather had another heart surgery then to have had two innocent lives end. They were adorable though. Two cute little beans on the sonogram. Saddest day of my life.