Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Saddest day of my life.

So I was questioning myself to share the following.... I made this blog to help people and I'm not helping anyone who might be going thru a similar situation if I don't share everything so here it goes. 
This is a weird one and when this happened to me I googled it. Not much out there on this so I might as well. 

When I was first told I had cancer and chemo was needed, my doctor asked me if I ever wanted to have more children. If so I would need to freeze eggs before chemo because the treatments will send me into early menopause. I didn't want to do that since pulling eggs took time and the cancer was already at stage 4 I didn't want to waste time before starting the treatment. So we went ahead and didn't freeze eggs. Despite not being able to have babies anymore I decided to keep my copper IUD in place since I only had it for about 3 years and it didn't feel great going in so I knew it would hurt coming out and I had enough medical crap going on I didn't need to add to it. So it stayed since the doctor said it was ok to keep it in. 
Well as I like to defy all medical reasoning and as they are writing a thick book on me already I figured why not add to the list of crazy ass shit. 
Weeks late for my period I realize the menopause is finally here. About time, it was right after my last chemo. I was having some physically issues like my boobs were popping out of my bra fast and they were so sore it was time to call the dr and see if they could do something to stop this crap. They said they could give me something but I needed to confirm I was not pregnant. We all laughed at that as I was still on chemo and the iud and the menopause there was no way but we have to mark the chart that one was taken and negative. WELL...
Two positive tests later I went to the obgyn. Pregnant with non identical twins. 
Yeah that happened. Non identical... Somehow I released two good eggs??? With enough chemicals in me to kill.. well cancer.. How in the hell that that happen? Once again the doctors look at me and say "well we have never seen that before". I'm getting sick of hearing those words. Negative percent chance of this occurring and of course it happens to me. Now after cancer and heart surgery and hardly shedding a tear, this made my cry for days. Sadly the babies were conceived in between chemos and I had a CT scan not knowing I was pregnant. Devastating. I lost them. 
Finding out then losing them within days was a struggle and since none of the drs or nurses could believe this happened I tried to find anything or anyone online that had a similar situation. I found nothing. I have never felt more alone and more like a freak of nature. So for that reason I wanted to put this out there just in case someone googles "pregnancy with IUD" or "pregnancy during cancer or chemo treatments". Nothing could have prepared me for this. I would have rather had another heart surgery then to have had two innocent lives end. They were adorable though. Two cute little beans on the sonogram. Saddest day of my life. 


1 comment:

  1. Since moving away I haven't had time to keep up with your blog. I was amazed to read this, pregnant! Wow, all I can say is your are one tough girl, you went through chemo & heart surgery and still was in the mood for love making!

    I feel the pregnancy was a symbol to show you that you still have much to offer on this earth. Those little eggs (spirits) put themselves there to show you that there is hope, and those spirts are now rooting you on from above.

    Kimberly @ www.AMomsPointOfView.com

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